The year was 2000 and I was stationed in Yokosuka, Japan on the infamous USS Kittyhawk (CV-63). To celebrate Memorial Day, the command had the boy band 98 Degrees perform at "the sea wall", which was really nothing more than a picnic area at... you guessed it, a sea wall. We were generally a pretty thirsty crew and quickly ravaged our beer supply. Instead of walking 300 yards to the commissary, we (and when I saw "we", I primarily mean "me") started drinking the remaining half bottle of Parrot Bay. Once the sissy shit was gone, I picked up a bottle of vodka and started taking slugs off it. Others started helping, but the damage was done.
At some point, I had my buddy Ed on my shoulders at the actual concert itself. We started dancing around as some kind of double-stacked man pyramid. He ended up falling off gracefully. As we staggered out, I remember stumbling around and almost knocking over a stroller. No, the child was not in it at the time.
A while later, I became lucid and thought it would be in my best interest to return to the ship under the escort of Alan Brandenburg and his lady friend. I lapsed back into my alcoholic haze only to be suddenly awaken by a shooting paid through my face as it crashed into a parking lot. I may as well have had my hands in my pockets because this was a classic face plant that left me with a chipped tooth, a split lip and a bloody chin.
It's amazing how pain can snap you out of almost anything. Below is the sequence of events as I remember them:
Impact.
Me thinking, "Holy shit that hurt. What the fuck?"
Alan, "OMG dude are you ok?"
Me holding his girlfriends kerchief on my leaking face.
Sitting in medical saying, "I'm sorry, Doc. Thank you for helping me" as a HM2 was cleaning up the open wounds on both my left foot and my face. Apparently I'd ripped open some skin on a few toes.
Waking up at ~0530 and having to peal my face off the pillow because there was a blood/slobber glue joining us together in some unholy union.
Standing at morning muster looking like an absolute disaster while my Senior Chief stared at me.
Senior Chief saying, "Schell, standby after quarters."
Fuck. We were on good terms, but...
Senior: "What happened?"
Me: "Senior, honestly. I'm the only mother fucker I know that can kick my ass. So I did."
Senior laughing, "Go get cleaned up" as he gave me a congratulatory, or consolatory, pat on the shoulder.
Such is a day in the life of a Shipwreck.
